Benjamin has been crying for about an hour with barely any reprieve. His medicine is *supposed* to be on its way. It used to help him to be held when he got like this, but now he doesn't even quiet down when we hold him. Because of his wires, he have to hold him right by the bed, so no walking around. We can sit in the chair, too, but that doesn't help that much either. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. I'm so frustrated because there's nothing I can do to help ease his pain. I'm so tired because it's been nine nights since I've slept in my bed. I'm worried because I just don't know what the future holds. The immediate future (will he be in pain all night...will any of us get any sleep) or the distant future (will he have long-lasting complications from this surgery...how will that affect his/our future).
It's just hard to see this as a memory yet, to know that one day I'll look back on this time as difficult but necessary. Because right now it's just now. And it's hard.
Thank you so much for praying. I haven't lost heart. I've just lost steam. Thankfully Matthew is still the rock that he is. And I know that God is still the same. He knows what I'm going through and He wants me to lean on Him through this. And He gave all of you to me to lift me up. And I'm so thankful.