Thursday, October 9, 2008

More bad news

Things were going okay for a few hours. We finally got him all medicated and fed and asleep. He slept from about 10:30 until 1:30, being woken only once to get his vitals. Matthew and I got some good sound sleep, too. Well, we needed it. I have been curled up in a ball on the smallest-couch-to-ever-be-passed-off-as-a-bed for half an hour to forty-five minutes with pillows over my head, crying like a baby as Matthew and the nurse hold Benjamin down so the IV tech could draw blood. Not sure why they couldn't just draw it through his IV line. But there was something wrong with it so they couldn't.

The reason they're drawing blood is because Benjamin can't seem to keep his temperature up. So they're thinking maybe he has an infection. They're going to run labs on the blood. Meanwhile I'm weeping and praying and hoping for the best. But expecting the worst. He's been screaming for almost 45 minutes STRAIGHT with absolutely no stopping. Barely stopping to breathe. They couldn't get a vein so they had to draw blood out of his heel.

I know it's the middle of the night and most of you won't read this until after the fact. But if you're up and reading this, please pray for my little baby. Please pray that he will NOT have an infection and that he will be able to calm down and stop screaming. That he will be able to eat once they are finished getting vials of blood from him and then that he will be able to sleep.

I am encouraged by all of you who have left kind messages. Thank you for that. I miss home. I miss my mommy. I miss my sweet Andrew and his innocence. I'm glad he has been spared this. I wish I had. I wish Benjamin had. It pains me to see him and hear him in pain. I feel that I have let him down through all this. I know I haven't. But it's how I feel when I hit rock bottom. Like by even bringing him into this world with all these problems that I have done him a disservice.
Please pray for me. I'm just beside myself with grief.

Gotta go nurse him. The sweet, sweet baby.


Ginger said...

Angela, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I think about you often and pray that you and Matthew will stay strong and that Benjamin will find peace and comfort and heal quickly. You are an incredible family and I know that God has great things planned for all of you. *lots of hugs for you and your family*

Stacie/logiebear said...

Big hugs to you right now! I am so sorry you are having to go through so much. I hope while I am writing to you that Ben is sleeping comfortably! I am praying for your family every singl day. Kirk and I both read your blog and stay updated! My heart goes out to you and your family!

Shannon said...

Angela, I am here praying for you... as much as it pains you to see Benjamin go through all of this, it pains your friends and family to know that you are dealing with this and there is not too much anyone can do.

you have been so strong, and it is only normal to have all the feelings you have. but never forget that you and matthew are the most unbelievable parents, and Benjamin is lucky that he has the two of you there for him.


Stephanie said...

oh angela, I just read this one. I wish I would have been up in the night to pray. I am praying today.
Oh my goodness, you are going to need therapy to deal with some of this. I wish you and Benjamin could have been spared from this too.
This fallen world sure can be awful. Come quickly Lord Jesus.
I love you, friend.