Sunday, March 20, 2011

You are my imaginary friends

I have imaginary friends. They live in my head. Rather, they live in my computer.

Actually, they live in their houses with their families. Or in their dorm rooms with their friends. Or in their apartments with their cats.

Some of them I know, and others of them I don't.

But you, my blog readers, are my friends.

I think about you sometimes throughout my days.

I think of things I would tell you if you were sitting with me or walking with me or whatever.

You get the point.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a somewhat busy afternoon planned. I had to go to the hematologist, then I had to run to the store. Then back home to feed the boys dinner.

So here is the conversation (monologue?) that you missed because you weren't actually sitting in my van with me. Or at the doctor's office with me. Or wherever.

You get the point.

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  • If you close your eyes when running a yellow light, it doesn't count. That's what I've always done, so that must be truth.
  • The elevator in the Diagnostic Center at Parkridge is the slowest elevator in the history of elevators. I almost fell asleeep waiting to get to the fifth floor.
  • There should be signs up in small public restrooms that read: "No perfume or hairspray use unless you really want to make strangers despise you and then blog bad things about you."
  • They really should take your blood pressure *after* they make you weigh in the hall in front of three other patients, announcing your weight and that you've gained four pounds in the past six months. I mean, it's kind of a no-brainer.
  • If my name were Charles Manson, I would request that they call me by a different name when it's my turn for an exam room. Like Bono or Oprah. And I would also disown my parents.
  • If I were a doctor, I wouldn't say, "Good" when a patient replies that she's finished having children, even if having another child could be detrimental to her health.
  • The speed limit on Dietz really should be 45, not 35. That way, my 50 wouldn't feel so wrong.
  • I get really irritated at drivers who go 35 on Dietz. Speed limit, schpeed limit; Walmart is so close, and you're in my way, Granny. 
  • They say you shouldn't grocery shop when you're hungry, but sometimes it just can't be helped. They also shouldn't sell candy bars for $0.50 at the register because $0.50 is basically free when you add it to a cart full of diapers and milk and celery.
  • No, I actually didn't buy diapers. I buy them at Babies R Us. But I tried to think of something expensive.
  • I did buy celery.
  • And milk.
  • People who come to complete stops in subdivisions when there is clearly no one coming in either direction should be escorted out by the HOA.

6 comments:

Muttering Mama said...

I love you. You're my friend, too.

Laura said...

Too funny! So true about small bathrooms :0)

Ashley said...

I also like to say "move granny"! No matter the age or sex of the person. If you are in my way, you are now Granny! LOL Even though I have a Granny.

JILL said...

Many of my friends live in my computer, too. And I can't wait to see you in person again soon! Love ya! But, for crying out loud - don't close your eyes while running yellow lights! Watch for people anticipating the green who may be jumping early!

Angela said...

I like being your friend :) Plus we have the same name which makes you super awesome.yep! ummm...did you really see a guy name Charles Manson at the doctors office?? weird...poor guy!

tarynddavidson said...

when i was pregnant with Lake i gained 18 pounds in one month. (Gasp!) The nurse hollered down the hall (yes I said hollered) to another nurse... "Is this scale broken?! It says she gained 18 pounds in 4 weeks?!"
Nurses should also wear bullet proof vests.