Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Waiting

Not much new to report.

Right now I'm just waiting.

Waiting for Matthew to come home from work.

Waiting for Andrew to eat.

Waiting for Benjamin to poop.

Waiting for Thomas to arrive.

Waiting to have some sense of normalcy in my life.

Sunday was my 33rd birthday.

And despite everyone's best efforts, it was kind of a crappy day.

I can't even post pics of Andrew in my lap as I blow out the candles in my pan of brownies because I had been crying for about 30 minutes and look like death warmed over.

The day started off seemingly well. Matthew let me sleep in until 10:00.

Which normally would have been excellent. But that was the night we lost an hour due to Daylight Saving's Time, and we got in bed after 1:00.

Which was now 2:00.

Then we had to rush around to get everyone ready. We tried to get Benjamin to poop so that he wouldn't have a major blowout at Mom's.

Because for about four days straight, he'd had about two HUGE blowouts each day.

He has been living in flannel, footed Carter's sleepers. Because that's the best thing for containing all the mess. But I only have four in his size, so I'm always doing laundry.

I took Benjamin to my parents' house. Matthew and Andrew went with a couple of friends to the circus. And I went to Publix to pick up a cake for a dear friend's baby shower.

The shower was great. I loved seeing my friends, eating yummy shower food, and celebrating the impending birth of yet another sweet baby.

I left there, went to Salsarita's, picked up chips and salsa, then drove to my parents' house, where the family was getting together for my birthday meal.

Things started out fine, despite the fact that I am 37 weeks pregnant and exhausted.

Matthew and Andrew were running late b/c Matthew has been so busy at work that he waited until the last minute to get my birthday present.

Andrew was super fussy and disagreeable when they arrived, which is always lovely.

And though Benjamin had pooped twice that day, he still screamed bloody murder during dinner.

That sent me into a downward spiral.

We had been doing *so* well.

True, his poop had been disgusting, explosive, and had kept me completely homebound for days.

But he had been drinking and eating wonderfully for about four days. And for some reason, I thought he was better.

But as the all-too-familiar high-chair screaming and thrashing as soon as the spoon was brought within two feet of his mouth reared its ugly head, I just broke down.

It was all-too reminiscent of Thanksgiving.

When I reached my breaking point a previous time.

My mom thought that I was upset with her because she asked me to cut the Romaine lettuce.

A fact we laughed at later.

But Matthew knew.

He knew.

The next two days (yesterday and today), Matthew was in Houston. He'll be home in about an hour.

Thankfully, I haven't had to go anywhere or do anything except just be here.

At home.

Taking care of my sweet boys.

Waiting.

Tomorrow I have my last prenatal OB appointment.

That just seems unreal.

Friday, Benjamin has his endoscopy with the GI doctor. Yet another procedure.

And while I'm praying we get some answers, part of me is fearful that we'll find out that something is really, truly wrong. That he needs another surgery. Or another procedure. Or a radical lifestyle change.

All of this six days before Thomas arrives.

It's just all a little too close for comfort for me.

Next Tuesday, Matthew is out of town again.

Next Wednesday is Andrew's 4th birthday. His Buzz Lightyear party is Wednesday night at Mom's. It will just be family, pizza, and cake. What more does a four-year-old need? I'm sure I'll be a blubbering mess, considering I have to get up before 3:00 the next morning to be at the hospital by 4:00 for my C-section.

I hate it that I am not really able to enjoy the end of my pregnancy. An oxymoron, many women might say.

But I really do love being pregnant. I love the anticipation of the birth. And I do love that hospital stay.

They just might have to kick me out, because I am not going to want to leave.

10 comments:

Astrid said...

I've been thinking about and praying for you a bunch lately. You have a lot on your plate. Is there anything I could do to help you?

JILL said...

I really wish I was closer to you. I'd love to be there to help you now. Especially hearing you want so badly to savor the last days of Thomas growing inside you. Soon, you will see his beautiful face and hold him close... and all the crazy busy things in your life will still be going on around you. But, you are strong and you will excel as a mom of 3 sons!!! ♥

Shannon said...

ok, i seriously have tears in my eyes... you really do have a lot on your plate right now, and you can cry, you should cry. don't hold it all in. i feel the need to sing "it's my party and i'll cry if i want to".

i am sending you lots of hugs!!! if you ever need to talk, call me... i'm always up late!!!!

the countdown is on... hang in there!!!!! xoxo

paula said...

Well, if somebody hadn't snapped my head off, I might not have thought you were upset about that lettuce! LOL I guess I didn't recognize the melt-down. Sorry!The food was yummy though. Sad you were tired and stressed beyond measure!You will have easier days. One of these days. Love you with all of my heart. We'll make it.

Mel said...

Take a deep breath and eat some chocolate. That always makes me feel better :) It's always easier when baby is out, rather than in ;)

Anonymous said...

from one Miralax mother to another...I never would have thought I had to keep track of how many days it had been between each poop past the age of six months!!! I believe my two older sons will have that medicine in their bag for college and on their wedding registry.

love you, M. cate

Diana said...

I wish I could be there or do something but there is nothing much one person can do to change any of it. It is all going to happen whether we like it or not. The crazy diapers, the long hours of work for Matthew, and the impending results of the GI study (whatever they may be). I just pray for you because that is all I can do. I love you and I know that as hectic as life will be until next Thursday there is peace in knowing that next Thursday will come. THEN...you get to be alone at the hospital with Matthew and Thomas (and of course Paula). BUT you get to leave all the stress at home and enjoy the birth of your precious son. Thankfully you will have four days to soak him up and enjoy each minute in slow motion!! I can't wait to meet him and give him a tight squeeze. I will probably want to give you one too!! I love you and I am so excited. I told Dr. B that I just could not believe you were almost done, and he said that just makes you nervous b/c it means your time is coming soon (and he is right). I am so not ready.

AKW said...

You have everything so planned out. I hope little Thomas does not suprised you! Two years ago, Ben (my third boy) was supposed to be delivered by c-section on April 6, but he surprised us all on March 20. Be sure to relax as much as you can, and pack just in case.

Patricia said...

I am praying for you Angela. Meltdowns you say, cry - it is totally acceptable and it really helps. I am sorry you are so tired and I understand about sleeping at night,or the lack thereof due to repositioning and numerous potty breaks. I guess God's way of preparing us for night feedings :-) I do agree with you that savoring the last bit of pregnancy is an oxymoron but then I don't really enjoy pregnancy but will look back on it longingly, after all the grass is greener on the other side. Praying for you...

count it all joy said...

Is Matthew home? Go and run a warm bubble bath this instant! Take an encouraging magazine, a glass of wine perhaps (a small one won't hurt at this late stage) and some music to drown out any children's noise. Light some candles and then take some deep, cleansing breaths.

You've got a marathon to run my friend....make sure you pace yourself as much as possible. Okay, that's enough bossiness from me. Meredy xo.