Monday, March 8, 2010

Trial

I'm in the middle of a trial.

And it's hard.

I'm not dying.

I'm just really tired.

And confused.

And concerned.

Andrew's surgery on Friday went well. He is super fussy at times and in pain, but it's all fairly manageable with medicine and a lot of patience. We're doing round-the-clock meds every three hours for a week. Even in the middle of the night. Ugh. We're usually still up at 11:00, Matthew does the 2:00, and I do the 5:00. It works out well.

But Benjamin.

Oh, my poor, sweet baby.

He's not doing too well.

And it's wearing on all of us.

We're still trying to get him unconstipated so he'll eat and drink.

Tomorrow he goes for his first appt w/the pulmonologist and then the GI doctor wants an x-ray so he can see just how much poop there is in his little system.

He isn't drinking much of the Pediasure, especially as the day progresses.

Sometimes he'll eat food, but usually he screams bloody murder (w/thrashing and huge tears streaming down his cheeks) if you come near him w/food.

Except sometimes he'll eat dry Cheerios.

He likes Multi-grain.

I can't really blame him; they're tasty.

And the medicine he's on is making him not feel good. He's out of it. He's dizzy and sometimes falls over. (All normal side-effects of the meds.) He "only" has to take it for another 10 days. Three times a day. And he hates the taste.

I feel like a drug store.

I have a spreadsheet (thanks, Babe!) taped to my cabinet so I can keep track of both boys' medicines. They're each on three. Different doses, different times, you name it.

It's manageable I suppose.

I am just tired of having to try new things for life to be manageable.

Lowering my standards for what is acceptable in life.

Not that I really have a choice.

I love these boys more than life itself and I'll go to the ends of the earth for them.

That's just a lot of walking.

And I'm really, really tired.

11 comments:

Courtney said...

Ah, Mama...here are some of the warmest, strongest, most loving hugs I got. I hope things turn around for you, and your sweet boys, soon.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

Tricia said...

Oh Angela, I feel for you. I know where you are coming from mostly. I never had to do anything like that while pregnant. I cannot imagine the extra burden that brings to this. I will keep praying for you. And I will pray that those boys heal quickly. May God abundantly bless your family. Hugs.

Aishlea and Brandon said...

Praying for you and wishing you nothing but well babies!!!!

Heather said...

I'm so sorry. No pregnant woman should have to endure any of the above. If I had any words of wisdom I'd impart them here.....

Nope, I got nothin. Just know that this too shall pass, and one day you'll look back on this and shake your head at the insanity.

That's what I tell myself, too.

Shannon said...

i don't have any idea what you are going through, but please know that i am thinking of you and the boys - all of them!!!

i wish i could bring you some dinner, or help you, but all i can do right now is send you my thoughts, prayers and a virtual hug!!!

Astrid said...

Angela, I am so sorry. We're praying for you guys. Our Lord will carry you through it all. Praise Him. What would we do without him? Love you!

count it all joy said...

Oh Angela...this is sucky. You really should be allowed to be put your feet up at this stage. Unfair! You must be looking forward to going into hospital to have Thomas, just so you can have a break. Don't let them kick you out of there until you are good and ready! Have your obstetrician write you a note or something.

Did I mention that in your photos you look A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.? I hope that soon you feel as wonderful as you look.

Hang in there....you're not walking to the ends of the earth by yourself....even if it feels that way sometimes:) Meredy xo

Emily said...

Hugs!! I have no words of advice to help you through this...Just big cyber hugs for you...

Branton Family said...

I'm so sorry it is so hard right now. Minute by minute. Praying.

Anna said...

I've got nothing. So here's a big (((((HUG))))). Love ya, hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Dear Angela - You don't know me but I actually found your blog from my sister-in-law's blog. But I want to tell you that I think you are so amazing. I can't imagine all the things you are facing right now but it shows in your blog what an amazing mother you are. I know the road seems long and endless right now but you're doing good. Just draw your strength from God when you don't think you can go another minute. HE will see you through and I know you know that. I can see your faith in your words. Hope your little ones are feeling better real soon and that you're soon holding that precious new one in your arms. Hold on to that thought. Take care and hope your load lightens soon.
Sincerely,
Robin (TN)