Wednesday, February 10, 2010

12:58

Yesterday was rough.

It has been rainy/snowy/wet/dreary here for weeks and weeks. I miss the sun and the warmth. (I'd settle for 50 degrees at this point...)

So the day started off as many Tuesdays and Thursdays do. With my rushing around trying to get out of the house by 8:30-8:40 to get Andrew to preschool.

Andrew didn't want to go to preschool yesterday because on Thursday, he had a big poopy diarrhea explosion in his pants while they were playing in the gym, and he was embarrassed. (Thankfully it was just a fluke and he has not been sick since...) So I had to drop him off when he was all teary-eyed, pleading me to take him with me. Real fun.

I was going to run errands b/c we need groceries, but it was cold and raining. So Benjamin and I came back home.

Where he proceeded to fuss and whine no matter where he was.

So he went down for a rare morning nap at about 10:30, which is when I finally had time to eat breakfast.

We headed back out to get Andrew at about 1:40 to find that Andrew had had a great day at preschool, like I knew he would.

On the way home, Benjamin fell asleep, which is normal and fine. He usually transfers well to his crib for a nice, long nap.

As I was taking Benjamin into the house, all warm and cozy and asleep in my arms, Andrew (who was still strapped into his carseat) started SCREAMING at me because he wanted his Buzz Lightyear toy, and he wanted it NOW.

Benjamin stirred a little, but I thought I was in the clear.

Andrew fell right asleep (a rarity these days) after he got a spanking for repeatedly screaming bloody murder at me when it was totally unnecessary.

But then, about 20 minutes into his crib nap, Benjamin woke up.

And proceeded to play/fuss/whine for the next two hours or so.

I am sure this will change when Thomas arrives and I am even more sleep deprived, but for right now, I have a hard time sleeping or napping when either of my boys is awake, even if they are safely contained in a crib or a bed. I just can't do it. Matthew could saw logs if there were a screaming baby in the same room with him. But I just can't do it if I know they're awake somewhere in the house. My body just won't relax.

And it needed to relax.

See, Matthew, who works for a major health insurance company (in pricing or something that deals a lot with numbers and Microsoft Excel), has just entered his busy time at work. This is his first year in this particular position, and BOY is it busy. Not 100-hour weeks or anything crazy like that, but late nights (sometimes as early as 6:30 or 7:00, sometimes as late as 11 or 12) and one-to-two-day business trips at least once a week starting next week.

He has a lot more meetings scheduled for March, April, and May. (Busy time officially ends in August.) The more meetings he has, the more prep time he needs b/c he is the one preparing for and running the meetings.

What a perfect time to have a baby, right?

Riiiiiiiiiight.

So finally both boys were up from their naps. I was trying to fix them something for dinner. Like Tyson honey chicken strips. Healthy enough.

But as I was taking some out of the toaster oven (loooove my toaster oven!) and onto a saucer, I dropped the saucer, and it shattered into a thousand small pieces all over the floor.

I. Lost. It.

I had a tired, pregnancy meltdown.

My poor husband.

I try to be supportive. I do. I know I need to try harder. But it's hard. (wwwwaaaaaaaa) I know he doesn't want to work 14-hour days anymore than I want him to. But nevertheless, sometimes my emotions get the better of me.

So I called him.

While I was sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by shards of plates and pieces of chicken strips.

In heaping sobs and frustration.

Not exactly sure what I said, but I'm sure it was along the lines of...

"I JUST DROPPED A PLAAAAAATE ON THE FLOOR AND IT BROKE EVERYWHEEERRRRREEE. I'M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE BUT IT'S SO HARRRRRD! I NEEEEEED YOU HERE!!!!"

Yeah. Not one of my finer moments.

That was at about 5:30.

You'd think it couldn't get any worse, but you'd be wrong.

Because both boys refused to eat any of the chicken. (Only one piece fell on the floor.)

So they both had milk for dinner. Benjamin ate yogurt, and Andrew (reluctantly) ate Gogurt. Oh, I take that back. Andrew had about three bites of chicken...which eventually got spit in the trash can because after about 30 minutes, he couldn't/wouldn't swallow them.

Have I mentioned before how much I detest meal times?

Thankfully Matthew got home at about 7:00, so he was able to do the baths and bedtime routines. It is getting increasingly harder to bend over the tub and clean these guys. Especially Benjamin, b/c he needs a lot of assistance cleaning, rinsing, drying, etc.

I would have helped Matthew.

But, alas, I had to go grocery shopping.

Andrew was upset that I was leaving. He spends a lot of time with me, so he's sad when I leave. "But we don't need food! We have lots of food here!" Thankfully, I knew this would happen when I left, so I told him in plenty of time before I actually left. Good thing, too, because it took me at least 10 minutes to talk him down from the ledge. But he was happy with daddy when I left, as long as I promised to go into his room when I got home and give him a "squeeze hug" and a "loudy kiss." Deal.

I got home after 11:00. Because I also had to go to Target and Babies R Us. (Naturally, I left my Target returns at home...)

Thankfully, my wonderful mother accompanied me to Target and BRU, then we used our free Chick-fil-A sandwich coupons for dinner at 9:00.

I dropped her off at home and did a semi-large grocery trip at Super Walmart, where, thankfully, it was not crowded.

Though I could have done without the 30-degree and windy weather as I entered and left the store. Loading my van full of groceries was not fun either.

When I got home, I was glad to hear that both boys had great baths and went to bed easily.

My poor husband had his work laptop out and was surrounded by spreadsheets and other financial paraphernalia that always makes we want to shout out, "e = mc squared!"

He helped me put the groceries away, and we finally got into bed.

The last time I looked at the clock, it said 12:58.

I remember feeling exhausted and feeling sorry for myself, thinking, "12:58? That's only going to be about six hours of sleep!"

Then I realized something...

In about six weeks, I would give anything to get six solid uninterrupted hours of sleep.

I fell right asleep and have had a great day so far today.

:)

It's all about perspective.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yogurt and chicken??? A dairy, two proteins, and a starch(if you count the breading)--well balanced meal in my book!!!

M. Cate

Todd and Courtney said...

You are doing such a good job. I understand husband's crazy work schedules with Todd being gone 4 days a week, booo!! And I sooooo understand meal times. Lauren just now weighs 20 lbs and hates to eat. She screams at me 90% of the time. We need another girl's night soon, like in Dec. Instead of holiday times only, we need monthly nights out!

Courtney said...

{{hugs}}

You're dong a great job, Mommy! Keep that chin up!

You're so much better than me! Mark gets at least one of those calls per week. Except I'm often yelling. At him. To just quit his job and stay home and help me. (Rational, right? Haha!) Mark doesn't have quite the hours you described above, but he commutes over an hour away. So he's gone at least 11 hours a day. I'm home with two kids and a dog and a job of my own.

Ugh.

Some days I just can't wait till kindergarten!!!

Elizabeth LeConey said...

i love those tyson honey chicken strips! Sorry you had a rough day!

Christia said...

Oh man Angela! I wish I could help you out, or at least hang out with you! I know how you're feeling! Hugs.

Allison Tate said...

Oh my I am worn out just reading that. So i can imagine how you feel.

Fredericks Family said...

Oh those days are SO HARD. Adam gets home from work at 6:30 or 7 every night and I hate it. It's a long day alone with kids! I have had meltdowns like that and I am not pregnant, so what's my excuse?! Glad today is better:)

Laura said...

That puts a lot into perspective for me! I just have 1 child & my husband gets home around 3:30 most days. I still find myself hating the times that we go several days in a row of him being gone in the evenings.
I hope you get LOTS of sleep in the next few weeks :0)

Sara said...

OMG, you and Ian should have chatted on the phone together yesterday. I walked into the house to find him having a similar (without the broken plate and tears) meltdown last night. With good reason, but still.

Hang in there hun, you can do this. Just remember...CIO will come quickly. LOL.

Shannon said...

sorry you had a rough day... been there. i'm sure it will be an adjustment, but you will be able to handle it well. and hey, even if you shed a few tears, you know we are here to support you. hugs!!!!

Sarah said...

I was having a terrible week the week before last when I found out that our sitter's husband has lung cancer and isn't a candidate for a transplant. Suddenly 2 broken cars and a toddler with pink eye and ear infections and a million other irritations were no big deal.

Last Thursday I picked Frank up from the sitters and found out that her husband is not going to be able to have chemo or radiation or anything else. They just cut out what they could, including part of his shoulder, and are just making him "comfortable."

Monday I was back to griping about the snow and losing my cell and people driving badly and falling on the ice. I had to stop and think to myself, I have a cell to lose. I have a truck to drive. I have a son and a husband who love me. I have a healthy body to bruise when I fall and a dr to call when I do. And throughout the day with each new challenge I'd so quickly forget that I am so blessed even by the struggles. I kept having to redirect myself.

MA we are richly blessed. Even when 12:58 is the time you're getting up from 43 minutes of sleep since the last time Thomas nursed when he's demanding to eat again, to have a son MA....to have 3 beautiful boys when some are desperate for 1. To have a mom near enough to go to Chick Fil A (to have a Chick Fil A dagnabit, our closest one is 45 minutes away). I could keep going but I'm getting weepy thinking about how lucky you and I are.

I love and loathe perspective checks.

Mary Jo said...

Ugh I so remember those days of John working long hours and/ or traveling. It's so exhausting to not know WHEN you get a break! So sorry to hear that the crazy time is just starting. I'm sooo glad you have family to help out some... to bad they don't live with you LOL! So true about perspective... doesn't make the struggles we are currently in go away though but can lighten the load some. Hang in there -one day at a time and it will come together! MJ

Diana said...

I *hate* those days!! These days meals are such a struggle here!! If I see Emma gag at my cooking one more time I might totally lose it on her. After Ellie's surgery day today I ordered expensive pizza for dinner and decided to cut my loses. At least both of my kids will eat pizza. I am so *lucky* that Paul normally gets home early b/c I think I start completely malfunction at 6:00 PM. I am going to have to insist that you no longer stay up until 1 AM!!! You have to stock pile some energy and sleep before sweet Thomas arrives. I have to go Emma is telling me that she was mean to me b/c she didn't like my shirt today (lovely).

blessingsandglory said...

Sleep, sleep, sleep now dear friend! ;) Happy to hear that today was a better day. Hugs to you!

-Libby

JILL said...

I'm pretty sure that the protein leaks out and into the boy after like 15 minutes of chewing! No problem spitting them out 15 minutes later! tee hee

Beth Chappelear said...

You know... I tell myself that all the time when I am up late. Only four hours of sleep tonight? wow... when cooper was a newborn that would have felt like an eternity! It IS all about perspective. And a good sense of humor - which you definitely have.