Sunday, April 19, 2009

One year ago...

Today is April 19.

One year ago, I was five days away from giving birth to Benjamin.

One year ago, I was expecting a typical child with no developmental delays, heart defects, or Down syndrome.

One year ago, I was a lot more self-centered.

One year ago, I didn’t think it would ever happen to me.

One year ago, I didn't truly know what it was like to cry until it hurt.

One year ago, the word "bittersweet" never quite hit home as much as it does now.

One year ago, I was a lot more judgmental of people in general.

One year ago, I thought I already understood how hard motherhood could be.

One year ago, I had never had the thought that I might outlive one of my children.

One year ago, I didn’t know what these meant: OHS, VSD, ASD, PDA, duodenal webbing, hypospadias, etc.

One year ago, the thought of the future wasn't filled with so many questions.

One year ago, I didn't quite know how much our friends and family could shower us with love in the form of meals, cards, gifts, prayers, hugs, tears, and time.

One year ago, I had only had to go to one doctor (instead of eight) for my child.

One year ago, I never imagined one of my children would have had open-heart surgery at just five months old.

One year ago, I hadn't met so many wonderful people whose children also have an extra chromosome. I never knew that we share a bond that others will never know or understand.

One year ago, I had never truly had to lean on God for survival.

One year ago, I never knew that my heart could be filled with so much love.





















One year ago, I never knew that holding him and seeing him smile would help to alleviate my worries, doubts, and fears.

This Friday is Benjamin's first birthday.

Wow.

26 comments:

Anna said...

Oooooh, look at him standing! I just love it when you post pictures. He's just a doll. But you already know that. ;) Have a great week.

The Moses Family said...

Very touching blog!

Shannon said...

isn't it just amazing how one day can change the rest of your life??? i still remember waiting for the text to find out if you had a boy or girl... but through your travels and benjamin's life, we have all learned so much.

can you believe your baby is one???

Diana said...

Who would have thought one year ago your little Benjamin would have touched so many peoples lives (including mine). I know I have been forever changed experiencing this first year as your friend. I look forward to many more years with Benjamin! XOXO to that sweet birthday boy!

Courtney said...

Happy Birthday, sweet Benjamin!

Your post was beautiful, Angela. What a difference a year makes, huh?

Banni said...

he IS a big deal! a beautiful, smiley, amazing, wonderful big deal.
happy birthday, sweet benjamin!
i loved this post!

Christia said...

Oh man. Totally crying. Benjamin is so loved, and YAY for standing up!! Such a cute little man!

Amber said...

And one year ago you probably had no idea that you could love another as you love Andrew! It's amazing how a Momma's heart can actually expand. Love you Momma!

Erica said...

Great entry Angela. I have to say that one year ago waiting for your text and not hearing anything made me panic. Benjamin has tought us all alot. He really is one special little man. I love the pic of him standing...he almost looks stuck.."what do I do now?"! I still can not believe it has been ONE year!

p.s. I LOVE the pic of him in the stroller with his "I love my mommy" shirt on. It is so cute.

Sarah said...

You have taught me so much in one year. You and your beautiful boy. My heart has sank with fear and worry for you and your family and it has also soared with delight and triumph to see how well Benjamin is doing. I feel lucky to "know" you and share in your life with your sweet family. Enjoy this milestone year and all the joys and sorrows it has brought.

Heather said...

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember where I was when I got your message, and what I did next, and what I thought about for the rest of that day and many more to come.

I love you guys! Benjamin is such a special boy in so many ways and to so many people.

I can't wait for his birthday.

Lauren said...

so sweet. happy birthday.

Anonymous said...

What a sweet post! I'm so glad that the internet has allowed us to share in Benjamin's milestones. He is such a sweet baby who we love!

Suzanne

Mary Jo said...

And one year ago I bet you never knew how your journey and the raw honesty you've had throughout it in this blog, emails, communities, etc. would inspire thousands, literally thousands of people. It's true Angela, your strength AND weakness has touched so many of us.

Thank you for sharing Benjamin with us. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. We are all better for knowing you and Benjamin. HUGS - MJ

Kellye, Chad, Hayden, and Sebastian said...

One year ago Benjamin had no idea that the family he was entering was made perfectly for him...that his Momma was the perfect one for him....all in God's design. God bless you, Angela, and all of your family!

Gisela said...

Happy Birthday to Benjamin!! He has such the sweetest smile! Here's to another wonderful year with your sweet boy!

Lora Leigh said...

I can't believe he is a year old already! He is so precious! Happy birthday sweet boy!

attorneymama said...

Happy Birthday Benjamin. You have done a good job momma. I too can remember exactly where I was and what I did when I received the text message that Benjamin had joined us. He is very much a part of our extended family and we love him. I never thought that a diagnosis like Down's Syndrome could be met with such grace and good humor. You have certainly proved that it can.

Kara said...

Oh you've got me crying. I love you guys! <3

Lillie's Mommy said...

And whoever would have thought one year ago that a newborn could teach all of us soooooo much about what it means to live, love and be happy with what you have.

Stephanie said...

Why Benjamin Amick is here...

1. To glorify God
2. To make Stephanie Blackiston HAPPY.

Hector and Jennifer Varanini Sanchez said...

Happiest of Birthdays to you little Benjamin. Beautiful post and so so so so true.

The Happy Holbrooks :) said...

Happy Birthday Benjamin! This post made me cry. He is beautiful and perfect in every way! I had forgotten our babies were so close in age. Kadie will be one on May 2nd.

Kristen said...

You are such an AMAZING writer, Angela... I know I'm just echoing the other comments here, but in just one short year Benjamin has truly touched the lives of thousands. I feel so fortunate to "know" him through your blog, facebook, etc... He is one very special little man!! Happy Birthday Benjamin!!

PEGGY PARKHILL said...

ANGELA,
I JUST GOT DONE READING ABOUT YOU HAVING BENIJAMIN. I CRIED READING EVERYTHING BUT THANK YOU FOR POSTING TO LET US READ IT. HE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND WILL GROW UP TO BE A WONDERFUL LITTLE MAN. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE IS ONE ALL READY.
I HAVE ENJOYED SEEING PICTURE OF HIM AND I MISSED KNOWING ABOUT HIM WHEN I QUIT GRAYSVILLE. I COULDN'T GET EMAILS ANY MORE SO I NEVER KNEW HOW HE WAS. I'M GLAD I'M ABLE TO SEE PICTURES OF THE FAMILY ON FACEBOOK AND THIS WEBSITE. HOPE HE HAS OR HAD A WONDERFUL BIRTHADY.
PEGGY PARKHILL

Lu (Lucille) said...

Happy Birthday! Oh how lovely! Thank you for introducing yourself on my blog! I'm thrilled to have a chance to get to know you more! I've bookmarked your blog! :)

Lu