Goodbye, 2008

How do you say goodbye to a year that was the most life-changing one of your life? I hope you don't mind if I wax poetic for a bit.

It seems a strange thing to say (maybe), but I think 2006 was actually a more difficult year than 2008. Becoming a new mom with a baby who was the world's worst nurser brought out the worst in me. Truly. Just ask my husband. And anyone else in my immediate family. I wasn't very excited about motherhood nor did I accept it or its ups and downs with God's grace.

The next year, 2007, was a much better year. Matthew and I bought a new house, went to Barbados, and got pregnant with baby #2. Things were going great.

By the time 2008 rolled around I was in fine form. Or so I thought. God knew differently. He knew that I was simply gliding around on my own strength, looking to myself for answers, and ultimately ignoring Him. He knew that 2008 would present me with a choice. Follow Him or wither up and die. Thankfully, I heard His voice and am now closer to Him than ever. Enter Benjamin. My sweet baby. His birth threw me for a loop. Well, actually, his birth went quite well.

After his birth but before I found out he has Down syndrome, this picture was taken. Looking at it is very bittersweet for me. It makes me think of my mindset then. It reminds me of my old self. Much happier in a surface-level kind of way. But much more ignorant of what life is really about. Much less secure with herself. Less kind. More reliant on herself and less on God. Less accepting of others and their faults. Not that I've arrived in any sense of the word. I just feel like 2008 has caused me to grow about a decade in only eight short months. Oh, here's the picture:



And here is a picture of the "new" me. Only nine days later. Buckets of tears and millions of prayers later. Oh, how my heart still ached in this picture.



And now. We embark on a new year. I'm not really making any resolutions, though the same old ones are always here. I'd love to eat better (and less), exercise more, read my Bible more, and try not to talk about others as much as I do. We'll see. Those are all pretty unsurmountable tasks on my own. Know anyone who can help me? ;)

Now, onto the fun stuff. Here's a end-of-the-year questionnare I read about on Monica's blog. It looked fun. I do love to talk about myself. :)

What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Ooh, this is a hard one. It wasn't my first baby. I didn't take any trips. I know there is an answer for this but I just can't think of one.

Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't think I really had any. I don't really believe in them.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Uh, yeah. I did. Oh, and JOYCE!! My best friend since sixth grade. Oh, I love her! She and her husband struggled for years to have a baby and sweet Zachary was born just a few weeks ago. And my friends Juliann, Diana, and Marina all gave birth to their second babies this year.

Did anyone close to you die?

No, thankfully. That may just have pushed me over the edge.

What countries did you visit?

None this year! (And probably not any for the next few years...)

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A size 12 waist. (A girl can dream, right?)

What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 24--The day Benjamin was born
October 3--The day of his open-heart surgery
I think both of these speak for themselves.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I think becoming a mommy of two and not losing my mind was pretty big. I even clean my house on schedule.

What was your biggest failure?

Probably just not living for God the way I should.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Does my C-section scar work? I'm still trying to pull the whole "Could-you-do-this-for-me-I-just-had-major-surgery" schtick over on people, but it's losing its effectiveness.

What was the best thing you bought?

My new laptop that I'm typing on right now. LOVE IT!

Whose behavior merited celebration?

I think that for being two and having a new brother born, Andrew has behaved wonderfully this year. Sure, he has his moments, but he really, truly is a good kid. I only hope 2009 will not prove me wrong on this!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My own at times. I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes.

Where did most of your money go?

Did I mention open-heart surgery? It's a good thing that Matthew works for CIGNA Healthcare, because we helped them out a lot in 2008.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The NKOTB reunion!!!!!!!!!! Takes me back to 1991. :)

What song will always remind you of 2008?

"I Saw God Today" by George Strait

This song was popular right around the time Benjamin was born. I remember hearing it the morning he was born as we were getting ready to go to the hospital. It convinced me that I was going to have a girl. Little did I know the impact of that day would cause me to hear that song in a whole new way. Click here if you want to watch George sing it live on the ACM Awards this year, but don't forget to go to the bottom of this page (ctrl-end) and pause my music.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Hmmm....Kind of both, actually.

b) thinner or fatter? I weigh about the same now (give or take five pounds) as I did before I got pregnant with Benjamin, but things still don't fit right. Gotta love what pregnancy and childbirth do to the ol' hips.

c) richer or poorer? Ummm...open-heart surgery ain't cheap, y'all. (Though to be perfectly honest, we're not having to pay for a lot of it b/c we've got pretty decent insurance.)

What do you wish you’d done more of?

exercised

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Pick from this list: complaining, emotional eating, gossiping, wasting time on the computer (this doesn't count...)

How did you spend Christmas?

With my family. I love them all so much, and I'm so blessed to have them all living right here.

Did you fall in love in 2008?

Not in the traditional sense, no.

What was your favorite TV program?

Oh, wow, there are so many. Probably Lost. Or The Office. Or Project Runway. Or Top Chef.

What was the best book you read?

Road Map to Holland: How I Found My Way Through My Son's First Two Years With Down Syndrome by Jennifer Graf Groneberg

What was your favorite film this year?

I think I saw "Dan in Real Life" in 2008. I really liked that one.

What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I was 31 in March and stuffed myself silly at Provino's with my family.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Better seats at the Harry Connick, Jr. holiday concert.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Lounge pants and nursing bras. 'Nuff said.

What kept you sane?

This blog. Seriously, it has been very therapeutic.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None really. Though I really like Matthew Fox. Hubba hubba.

What political issue stirred you the most?

I suppose the election. Pretty monumental, even if it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

Who did you miss?

Joyce. I don't see nearly enough of her.

Who was the best new person you met?

Well, technically, I'm sure I "met" Stephanie before 2008, but it wasn't until this year that we ever really talked. She is amazing.



Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

It's not all about me. And God is bigger than anything you think you can't handle. Don't spend all of your time waiting for things to be the way you want them to be. You're gonna miss now. And now is really cool if you'll let it be.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times. So take a good look around. You may not know it now...but you're gonna miss this."

The Three Days of Christmas

What a whirlwind! I'm a little Christmased out and ready to take down all the decorations! Unfortunately, I'm too tired and will attempt to tackle it tomorrow. For now, I'll share a LOT of pictures of the Crosby Family Three Days of Christmas.

December 23 (Fondly referred to as "Christmas Eve Eve.")

We went to my Uncle Philip and Aunt Judy's house for a traditional Christmas meal and to open presents. These people were in attendance: Grandpa Crosby, Grandma Crosby, Elizabeth, Uncle Philip, Aunt Judy, Casandra, Philip, Marianne, Dad, Mom, Michael, Edie, Justin, Matthew, Andrew, Benjamin, and me.

We were at the kiddie table. My mom was sitting there with us but wimped out b/c we were right by the fire place.



I really just posted this one to show you how blurry it is. My camera was dying. Most of the better shots on the first two days of Christmas were taken with my mom's camera. She just learned how to email pictures, so I have been enjoying adding them to my files. Especially when Justin gets ahold of the camera...



My precious baby, who turned eight months old on Christmas Eve.



Look what Andrew got from my grandparents! A police motorcycle. He didn't quite know what to think. Even still, at home, he tends to just scoot around because pushing the pedal "is kind of scary."

December 24--Christmas Eve

We opened presents at my parents' house in the evening after my dad got off work. Well, my boys opened their presents and then went to bed. That left just us silly adults: Dad, Mom, Michael, Edie, Justin, Matthew, and me.

Benjamin only really stands up like this for a few seconds, and always with assistance. Matthew likes to live dangerously. Stay tuned...

Curious George got a big smooch right before bed.

He isn't quite sure how to do this either, but at least it's not scary.

My parents' tree has very few ornaments on it. Mom never really got around to it.

Some things are just too funny. And shouldn't be said if someone is drinking coffee. Don't ask. You had to be there.

Matthew was stylin' and profilin' in his new running clothes. All he needs now is a ski mask and he's ready to rob a bank.

Justin loved his gift.

I didn't take a picture of it, but I got a new digital camera for Christmas!! YAY! It is a Sony (my fave) and it's red. I. Love. It.

December 25--Christmas Day

We opened presents at our own house and then went over to mom's to put the boys down for their naps. Then we all opened our stockings from Mom and Dad. (Dad had to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so we kind of had to do things in the afternoons.) Edie's kids (Abbie, Ashlyn, and Davis) got there at about 4:00 and enjoyed opening their presents, too!

The tree at our house on Christmas morning

Andrew's kitchen that Santa brought. Well, actually Edie brought it b/c it used to be Ashlyn's. They had to make room for baby Jack's furniture.

Cutie

You know you're opening Christmas presents with a baby when you have to stop and clean up spit-up.

Benjamin enjoyed all the commotion but was up at 6:30 that morning, so he was ready for a nap by 9:00.

Andrew got some new number and ABC flashcards. He loved them and wanted to play with them immediately. What a nerd. :)

My Aunt Kathy sent these in the summer and I saved them for Christmas.

Andrew enjoyed helping Benjamin open his presents.

Andrew had to pause during the gifts to take care of some business.

Here we are over at Mom's house. Notice my Christmas get-up includes no makeup and wet hair. :)

Matthew took a quick snooze in front of the TV.

Benjamin and Aunt Eunice

Uncle Michael trying to show Andrew how to ride his bike.

Elmo bath bubbles!

I am married to a daredevil. Matthew said, "I'm going to let go of him really quickly and make it look like he's standing." So I snapped the picture right before Benjamin fell. Thankfully, he just fell backwards into Matthew's hands. But still.

Here's Matthew's attempt to take another nap.

Time-out for tickling.

Trying to sleep again.

Whatcha talkin' bout, Willis?

Loving the Christmas tree

Check out my impersonation of a corpse. And a frump. LOL

Andrew loves his uncles!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!!

Oh my, how time is creeping up on me

So lately my back has been hurting. My lower back. It hurts when I sleep and when I am sitting. It especially hurt today as I was sitting on the living room floor trying to wrap my in-laws' Christmas presents. I got to thinking about why it is hurting and Matthew and I have come up with a reason. Well, several reasons. I'm old. I'm overweight. I'm out-of-shape. I'm sedentary. Well, if that's not enough to squelch the Christmas spirit, I don't know what is. But it's sadly true. And so I started looking for some pictures to see how much I've changed over the years. It's kind of sad, really. Because not only am I heavier now, I'm just plain older. Even just a few years ago I look younger. Because I was. Having kids takes its toll and not just on your stomach and hips. The stress of having a Down syndrome baby and his having open-heart surgery takes its toll, too, even more than I had thought. Because now I just feel old and tired, frumpy and lazy. I know, I know. The solution is easy but implementing it is not. At least let me wait until the new year. Then I'll guilt myself into it. For now, some pictures.

Look at me approximately ten years ago. Woah, check out those furry eyebrows. But so young. This was toward the end of my college days on a statue in Coolidge Park. It had just been built, and we were having fun as kids do.



This was late November 2001 at Tavern on the Green in NYC. Even seven years ago I still looked like a kid. This was our one-year anniversary trip. Little did Matthew know when he planned it months before that NYC would be much different post 9-11. Still a great trip, though. It started my love affair with the city.



I took this picture, as if you couldn't tell from my outstretched arm. If we look tired it's because we were. We were in some random arcade in Japan. I like my eyebrows in this picture. But I think I look quite a bit younger here. Probably because I was. And about 30 pounds thinner. That might have something to do with it. This was 3 1/2 years ago in the summer of 2005, right before I got pregnant with Andrew.



Okay. Enough nostalgia. On with real life. Here are Matthew, Andrew, and Benjamin just this morning. Matthew is reading a book to Andrew about the first Christmas so that Andrew can put some stickers on a nativity scene.



Benjamin is really into it. LOL
Matthew let Andrew put the stickers wherever he wanted to.



Check out B's side pose. I mentioned this in my last post. He likes to hang out on his side. Silly baby.

Who knew it would be so darn hard to get a toddler to stand still and hold up a piece of paper so that his father could take a picture of it? ARG!!

Mommy knew what to do. Lie down on the couch!

Check out the crazy manger scene. I'll bet you didn't picture the first Christmas quite like this. All the stars piled on top of each other. Not to mention the people. Looks more like a frat party than the birth of Christ. Gotta love the flying cow.

Ooh, ooh, here are a few pictures of our new dining room table and chairs!! It's funny. I told Andrew we were getting a new dining room table and he said, "Where's the old one?" I had to remind him that we didn't have an old one. We do have a small kitchen table with four chairs in our eat-in kitchen, but we've never, in our eight years of marriage, had a real dining room table. But now we do! Pardon the mess and clutter of the room. A lot of this stuff will be moved into the "formal living room" once the Christmas tree is put away. I bought this table and eight chairs at JCPenney on Black Friday for a great deal. Then we ordered a piece of glass for the top. Yay!! (Laurie, you and Ben will be the first people to eat on it next Friday!! We haven't even eaten on it yet!)

Tonight after his bath, Andrew wanted to say goodnight to Namma (my mom). They were having a heart-to-heart conversation.

"Namma, what are you doing?"

"I'm wrapping presents."
"What are you going to do after you wrap presents?"

"I'm going to go to bed."
"What are you going to do after you go to bed?"

"I'm going to get up and go to church."
"What are you going to do after you go to church?"

"I'm going to eat lunch."

At which point he turned to me and asked, "Are we eating lunch with Namma tomorrow?"

Sorry, bub. Not tomorrow. :)

A few days ago eating ice cream with Yampa at their house.

Sorting shells this afternoon in Namma's window seat. Mom has taught him five categories: extra small, small, medium, large, and extra large. They have sorted potatoes and shells recently. My mom said that when she first looked at buying this house she could just see her grandchildren sitting in this window seat. She didn't even have any yet. (I was seven months pregnant with Andrew and Michael hadn't even started dating Edie yet.)

Benjamin on the floor of Namma's house tonight. He looks older to me here! But it could just be because he's working on a poopy diaper. The first one in about a week. Way to go, Benji! :)

That's all from this house. I am looking forward to next week! Matthew is only working 1/2 day all week. YAY!!!! I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday.

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