My Three Sons, a reintroduction/refresher

I honestly intended just to post a few pictures of my boys. But then I started typing and my fingers just threw up all over the keyboard. Feel free to skim, though I can't promise you won't miss something funny or poignant. lol

I have three sons.

Andrew is four-and-a-half. He is smart as a whip, has a type-A personality, speaks with a British accent a lot thanks to Kipper the Dog, and his strength lately is interrupting. He's perfecting it to an art. Though he's exhausting, he's so fun to be around and has a very active imagination. He can already read, and I like to show him off like a circus animal.

Benjamin is two-and-a-half. He has Down syndrome. We didn't know until he was born, and it was the most life-changing moment ever. He has had open-heart surgery and a serious intestinal surgery. He is doing great physically, but struggles verbally. He is very sweet, curious, and has transformed my life in new ways I discover every day. He has made me re-examine everything in a new light. And I mean everything.

Thomas is five months old. He is BIG. And he is the happiest baby, so smiley and pleasant. He eats well and sleeps well, and is in one word: joy. If I never get my daughter (Katherine Elizabeth), I can tell that Thomas will be my kindred spirit. My bosom buddy. My Diana to my Anne with an "e."

I am married to Matthew. We will celebrate 10 years of marriage this November 19. We met in college, were friends in a large group for almost a year before he asked me to go on a date. I really didn't think it would go anywhere, but I said yes. After our first date, I could have gone either way. But somehow I fell for him. Quickly. In three months we were talking marriage, we were engaged in two more months, and married nine months later. He is my best friend. He is most definitely my better half. He is the best father. So patient, kind, and funny. A hardworker, and just one of the good ones. Ladies, you know what I mean. There are two types of guys. And he is one of the good ones.

We are very close to my family: my parents, two brothers, sister-in-law, cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. But we don't have contact with Matthew's family anymore. His parents especially. (We do talk to his brother on occasion.) I won't say much about that except that it was our choice to cut them out of our lives. But we did it to protect our children.

I am Angela. I'm 33 and I stay at home. I used to teach school, but now I run this crazy household. I am home all day with my three boys and my two FAT cats, Frank and Nancy. We have a nice house. God has blessed us immensely. I love my minivan Swagger Wagon. I am a homebody. I am not the mom who gets out every day, or even every week. My kids are not in daycare or playgyms or music groups. There's nothing wrong with those things, and we have done them in the past. But it is just not our thang. I like being at home. It's comfortable. It's easier than getting out. I am a type-A-scheduled person. My younger two boys have naps at set times every day. That time is sacred. Thomas naps three times each day. So my window to get out is small. And I don't really have anywhere to go. It's too hard to take them anywhere and keep up with them. Benjamin is very high-maintenance, and his diagnosis definitely complicates things.

Matthew and I always wanted four children. But since having Thomas, I think we might be finished. Well, to be honest, Matthew thinks we are finished. I go back and forth. I'd love a daughter. Not for the pink or the frilly clothes. Heck, my daughter would wear blue, most likely. But I want a daughter so that I can have what my mother and I have. I am very close with my mother. Being the only daughter with a brother on each side, my mom and I have always been friends. And now, as an adult and a mother, that relationship is very sacred to me. I know sons can be friends, but I just don't think it's the same. And I'm sad to think I might not have that in 15-20 years.

Having three children is hard. But having three children, when one of them has special needs, is super hard. Benjamin is just SO much work. Having a child with Down syndrome just changes things. It makes even just the normal things (running errands, going to church, going on vacations, going out to eat, playing in the yard, swimming in Mom's pool) more work, more complicated, and just plain difficult. Throwing another child in the mix would obviously make it more complex.


Plus Matthew's work schedule in the spring/early summer is CRAZY with travel. It was next-to-impossible not to lose my mind this year. I am hoping that he gets another job in a year or two, and that after B & A are in school that things will calm down and Matthew will want to have a fourth. Or I'm hoping we just "accidentally" get pregnant. And that it’s a girl. I almost think having another boy would be harder on my heart than not even having a fourth. Just being honest.

I still struggle with the Down syndrome. And to be even more honest, I kind of feel like a (self-imposed) outcast in the DS community. I feel like most of the other moms out there are sick of hearing my whining about how hard it is. About how I'm still struggling with the fact that this is my life now. I'm not an advocate. I don't do the Buddy Walk (to my credit, we have been out of town for every single one since B's been born). I don't go to the conferences. I don't boycott the celebrities who say the dastardly "r-word." I am not ashamed of the Down syndrome. I am not ashamed of my son.

It is just still too raw. Too painful. My heart just can't comprehend it all fully. I don't necessarily enjoy reading all the success stories about children/adults with DS who are graduating from high school, scoring touchdowns, being crowned homecoming queen, even getting married. I feel like I should enjoy reading them. It should give me hope. It should make me proud. But it doesn't. It just makes me sad. Discouraged.

I try not to dwell on it. I am generally a happy person. I enjoy life. I love TV and music. Matthew and I just went to a Maroon 5 concert last week, and it was nothing short of AMAZING. I like food, though I've just lost 18 pounds, and am working on losing 30 more. I like to be organized, and to keep my house straight and clean. But my heart is still broken. And I need more time.

I just felt the need to share that. Not for sympathy. Not for people to say, "Oh, you're doing so well, etc." Just to share. To let you know I'm human. We all have our struggles. No one is immune. Life is hard. God is good, though, and I know that He is in control.

I do love my family. I adore each and every one of my boys. I thank God for them, and I pray that He will help me sort through all these things so that I can fully embrace the life that He has given me. (Yes, I'm considering counseling, for those of you might be wondering...I'm working on it.) :)

And now, to reward you for reading all that blabber..........PICTURES!

I love Barney, and so do my boys. Don't judge!

Different day, different clothes, same routine. I love it.

I am *not* kidding. I took this from my shower. It's hard to get a break!

Getting all three in a picture, especially when I'm alone, is hard!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit T

(Yes, know...no Bumbos on the table...don't lecture, please.)

Sigh.

I love my life. I really do. I struggle with things, like all of us do.

I have bad days.

I have self-esteem/self-image issues.

Somedays I don't shower. And not because I don't have time; I just don't wanna.

I sometimes talk bad about people when I shouldn't.

At heart, I'm very lazy.

I'm bossy; just ask anyone in my family.

I'm not the sweetest person, honestly.

I can count the number of my *good* friends on two hands. Maybe even one hand.

But I'm a sinner, saved by grace.

And I'm thankful for each day.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

----Lamentations 3:22-26----

Thomas update

This video pretty much says it all. Thomas is wonderful. He is happy and sweet and calm and, well, just perfect! He naps well and eats well and is my first baby not to be on reflux medicine (yet).

He will be five months old tomorrow, August 25. He weighs about 16 1/2 pounds. I don't know how long he is right now, but he's long. The only problem we've had so far is that my milk supply is starting to dwindle, and I had to rent a baby scale from the hospital this week to see exactly how much breastmilk he's getting when he nurses. So far, he gets enough at some feedings but not at others. At those times, I warm up some breastmilk that's been in the fridge or freezer. My milk supply doesn't usually last that long, so this was to be expected.

He is now rolling over from back to front regularly and will from front to back sometimes. Staying on his tummy usually results in a lot spit-up, so we have boxes of wipes strategically placed all over the house.

He is best at smiling and laughing and sleeping alllllllllllllll night. Like 12 hours. LOVE IT.

And so, without further ado (or rambling), here are some pictures.

His four-month rocking chair picture. (We'll take the five-month picture tomorrow!)

No, I would never let my infant watch television! Not me! ;)

Tummy time gone wrong

My sweet baby and me after church on Sunday.

My next post will be chock-full of pictures and videos of the boys interacting with each other. Kind of a peek into what my day looks like. :)

Andrew update

Before I update you about Andrew, I forgot to tell you Benjamin's stats in my last post.

Benjamin is two years and four months old. He weighs just over 24 pounds. He wears clothes that range from 12-18 months to 2T.

Now I shall update you about my oldest son.

Andrew is four years and five months old. He weighs about 36 pounds, and is super tall. He wears size 2T and 3T shorts and 3T and 4T shirts.

He Never. Stops. Talking.

And he's very loud.

Not kidding.

But he does great playing independently. He has a vivid imagination. He loves to watch "The Incredibles" and "Kipper," a cartoon about a British dog and his friends. He acts out entire Kipper episodes in his bed when he first wakes up. In fact, he watches so much Kipper that he seriously speaks with a British accent about 70% of the time. It's flippin' adorable.

He can read. Which isn't all that surprising, considering he knew his ABCs in order and by recognition at 21 months. He is just so smart, and I love that about him. Although his OCD tendencies and attention to precise detail can sometimes be aggravating. (Gee, I wonder where he gets that? Hmmm...from both his parents?)

He will start kindergarten next fall. He went to preschool last year a couple of days a week, but we decided just to keep him home this year. The main reason was that in order for me to drop him off in the mornings, it would disrupt Thomas's morning nap, and in order to pick him up in the afternoons, I would have to wake both of the younger boys from their afternoon naps. That just isn't worth it to me.

And now here are some pictures of just Andrew. More "group" pics to come.

I just love him!

He no longer naps, but if he's in the car/van for longer than 15 min from the hours of 1-6, he is usually out.

Holding a live chicken at Ellie's 2nd birthday party.

Hahahahaha!!!!

After all that fun with a real-live petting zoo, Andrew's favorite part of the party (which he told me later) was playing in the little house with Ellie. He and Ellie get along better than he and Emma do, and Emma is four. But that's just how it goes, I suppose. Emma is kind of a drama queen, and Ellie is more laid back. Plus she likes to play trucks. It makes me sad sometimes to see them get along so well. Benjamin is a couple of months older than she is, and it is kind of bittersweet to see a "normal" two-year difference.

Oatmeal Creme Pie on his face, Kipper on the TV, and visual evidence that he has orthodontia in his future.

A Thomas update soon, and then lots of pictures of all my boys together.

Benjamin update

It's been awhile since I've updated anything about how my sweet Benjamin is doing. Here are the highlights in boring form:

• We are no longer having to thicken his liquids. Yay!
• He is still drinking Pediasure instead of milk.
• Because of that, we are still trying to figure out the perfect Miralax dosage, meaning he's either constipated or having blowouts. We're working on it, though. To help combat the messiness, he almost always wears Gerber Waterproof Pants (size 12 months) over his diapers. He sounds like a walking garbage bag, but it helps.
• We have recently weaned him off his Prevacid, but if his reflux seems to worsen, we'll go back to 15 mg a day.
• As far as therapies go, he gets ST (speech therapy) twice a month for an hour and OT (occupational therapy, were we work on fine motor skills, such as feeding himself w a spoon) once a month for an hour. The therapists come to our house, which is wonderful! And....drumroll......he has been discharged from PT (physical therapy)!! YAY! He walks and runs and doesn't really need any gross motor help.
• He will turn three on April 24, which is a Sunday. When EI (early intervention) children turn three, they are "turned over" to the state by the EI team (ours is BCW, Babies Can't Wait). Which means that the day after he turns three, on April 25, 2011, Benjamin will start school. There is a primary school right down the road from our house (Battlefield Primary for you local peeps) where he will attend school. He will go for five weeks starting in April and then get out for summer break. Then in the fall, the same day Andrew starts full-time kindergarten, Benjamin will go back to special ed preschool. When he's three, he will go Monday through Thursday, 8:00--11:00. The next school year, when he's four, he'll go Monday through Thursday, 11:00--2:00. (Times are approximate.) The best part? He can ride the bus. He will love it, and so will I!
• Health-wise, Benjamin is doing well. He went back to the BEST cardiologist EVER, Dr. Herold, last week. It was the first time he'd been in a year. And he got a good report. Dr. Herold (did I mention he's the best?) said B's chest x-ray looked better than it ever has. (And that is after we'd taken him off the Thick-It, so that's reassuring!) Some time before he's four, B has to have an ECHO and an EKG. He will have to be sedated for these b/c there is no WAY he would hold still for long enough. He still has a pulmonary heart murmur, but that's understandable b/c of his open-heart surgery. It is of no concern at this time. We're coming up soon on October 3, which will be the two-year anniversary of his surgery. Wow.
• He is getting better at entertaining himself and playing with toys.
• He sometimes will bring you something if you ask.
• He loves to throw himself onto stacked up pillows on my bed, or onto my mom's leather chair.
• Still no words. Only a few signs, and only when prompted and we model it. He will mimic actions but not sounds/words. This has been the hardest part for me. He basically does not communicate with us, and that is tough. He is almost 2 1/2. Yet still so much like a baby.

And now a few pictures. It is so hard to decide which ones to choose! I have lots more of B with his brothers, but I'm saving those for another post. This one's alllll about B.

He loves the air vent!

Puzzle time!

He can do them all but gets tricked up with the oval.

He's a busy guy; he has to groom on-the-go.

His latest is climbing in and out of the kitchen chairs.

He also likes to play the back rungs like a xylophone.

Seriously, both my older boys have fallen back in love with the Bumbo.

That's all for Benjamin! Stay tuned for Andrew and Thomas updates. :)

Random Pictures

This is what Lady Gaga looked like before she was famous:

Andrew has recently showed interest in taking pictures with my digital camera. Here are a few snapshots that he has taken completely by himself:

Matthew and my mom have been to a friend's house three times this summer, picking blueberries. We bought a (small) deep freeze and it is stocked. Here are the blueberries Matthew brought home from one of those trips, and then a yummy summer treat. Fresh blueberries and Fat Free Cool Whip.

If you've ever wondered if you should rent or borrow or even buy a pressure washer, take a look at this. Our neighbors pressure-washed their fence last month. It took about eight hours to do the outside and inside. But the difference is phenomenal. I think you only have to do it every several years, but I'm not sure since we are still saving for a fence. But we plan to borrow their pressure washer (at their offering) to do our deck.

That's about all I have for now. Lots of pics and cute stories to come, but I need to sort through them all to see which ones are blog-worthy. Which is not to be confused with sponge-worthy.

Coming soon...

It's been awhile.

And anyone who blogs can relate to the internal pressure to blog.

The longer you wait in betweeen blog posts, the harder it is to blog.

So many pictures,

updates,

stories,

bloopers,

frustrations.

Life happens. Sometimes really, really slowly.

Othertimes far too quickly.

I just haven't wanted to blog, to be perfectly honest. I do a lot of sharing on Facebook, and so that makes it doubly hard to blog. Especially because uploading pictures to FB is 100% easier than it is on Blogger.

Today, coming down the staircase at my house, however, I glanced out the window at my newly chopped bushes and shrubs. And I thought, "My blog readers need to know about this."

A little while later, I took out a notebook and jotted down all the things I need to share on my blog. Some are funny, some are sad, some are probably boring, but all are true.

I realized that I don't have to share them all at once. Not only is it too much pressure to publish it all, but I myself don't like reading looooooooooooooooooooong blog posts.

Even from someone as charming and as witty as I am.

So stay tuned.

Nice to see you again.