I have a good life

It's been such a good week!! I worked out four times. I didn't have any Dr. Pepper. I was happy and content with myself. Good times.

Here are some pictures of what it looks like on a typical week.

Benjamin chewing on a toy



Still at it....while Andrew arranges his trucks in an order that only makes sense to him.



It looks colder than it was. I think it was 58. But the wind was really cold and it wasn't sunny at all. We had a good time. I love these boys and feel so blessed to get to spend every day with them.



Here's Benjamin's nine-month picture!! After he turns one, I'm going to post all of his pictures and all of Andrew's pictures. It'll be fun. :) This is the first month he did a little bit better sitting in the chair, albeit propped up. But you can see that he's still slipping a little bit. Same outfit, though. (I think it's a 3-month oufit.)

We spend an awful lot of time in waiting rooms. So why not document it? ;)

Curious George and Ernie were *this* close to being chewed on. He's cutting a tooth (or multiple teeth) something fierce. They're phantom teeth, though, as I am not quite sure which ones are coming in. I think they're on the bottom sides. But nothing is even close to breaking through the gums yet. Still, he's chewing on everything in sight and drooling buckets.

I think he's pretty content with life. :)

Trying to reach the fishies...

Oh my goodness. So we're working on picking up food. He can't quite pick up his Gerber puffs and actually get them in his mouth. But he's close. Here he is...*really* close. LOL

And for your viewing pleasure, a video of Benjamin trying to get the puffs in his mouth. Complete with Andrew commentary, of course. Don't forget to pause the music at the bottom of the page!

Have a wonderful Sunday, everyone!

You call yourself a blogger?

I get frustrated when I check others' blogs and see they haven't updated. And then I go more than a week with nothing. Truly, I have good intentions. Tonight I really meant to do this earlier (and more thoroughly) but Facebook SUCKED me in. But I enjoyed it, so that's okay. :)

Here is an update from us:

--Benjamin just turned nine months old on Saturday. Wow. I cannot believe it's been nine months. He WAS doing really, really well until about Monday (which was about two weeks after his surgery) when he started spitting up a little bit more. He did that for two days and then we had our post-op visit with the surgeon. She said to keep an eye on it and to document the amount and time of when he spits up. We go back to see her in two weeks. He didn't spit up all today until about 5:15 p.m. and then it was everywhere. Ugh. The surgeon said that sometimes, especially in older babies, the intestines don't quite shrink back down to where they need to be after surgery and excess tissue (or whatever) has to be tapered later. So if he continues to have issues, he will need more surgery. Poor baby!!! But I do want him "fixed," so to speak, so we'll see. Still......

--Speaking of surgeries, this is not new information, but he will have to have one more surgery for sure later this year (most likely in the summer or fall sometime). He has to have a minor surgery done to repair his hypospadias, which is a secondary urinary opening. (Basically, he has two holes; the urine comes out of the wrong one, but it is very close to the real hole, so it shouldn't be that difficult.) The same surgeon who did his intestinal surgery is also going to do this one. While she's operating, she is going to fix an abdominal hernia that popped up as a result of the chest tubes after his heart surgery. This will be here in town. Usually the hypospadias surgery is just a day-surgery and would not require an overnight stay. But b/c of his heart issues and the hernia repair, I'm not sure if we will or for how long.

--Benjamin now gets 100% formula and I no longer have to pump. It was kind of bittersweet to wean this time. (Not at all with Andrew.) But it was definitely time. I was simply not making enough milk for him, and it is so nice to be finished!!!! :)

--Andrew has a cold and is irritable, fussy, and clingy. Ugh. Hopefully it will go away soon. At least the weekend is almost here.

That's all I have for now. I'm tired and need to go to bed. I will post more in the next couple of days and will add some pictures!

After eight years of marriage, you think you know a person...

Each day at the hospital for the seven days we were there, I would select my food the day before. The one morning that Matthew was there, he selected my food for the next day. Wow. You think it would be simple. You think he would know what to order me.

Apparently not. In fact, after the Great Breakfast Disappointment that morning, I waited for lunch and dinner with fear. Here is an example:



Seriously? A fruit cup instead of GRAPE JUICE?? A fruit cup? With those slimy peaches and pears? Gross.

Seriously? CREAM OF WHEAT? Instead of grits? Cream of wheat period? Especially when I needed the sugar for my HOT DECAF TEA? (Seriously?????)

Seriously? An English muffin is fine, but up against a biscuit or a blueberry muffin? Worst thing is that it was wheat. Ick.

Pancakes over eggs was an okay choice, but HAM INSTEAD OF BACON??? Oh. My. Pig. You have got to kidding me. (To his defense, he *knew* I preferred bacon and *thought* he circled it.)

The only thing he got completely correct was chocolate milk. Oh, I do love those little pints of chocolate milk. I think I must have (no joke) had ten of them when I was there. Yum.

And now onto Benjamin news.

HE'S DOING GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kid you not--I have seen more improvement since this surgery than after his heart surgery! Probably because his heart defects had not yet begun to affect his daily living, and this intestinal obstruction had, but STILL!! I suppose I didn't realize how much discomfort he was truly in because he is like a changed baby! And he was pretty happy-go-lucky before! Here are some of the marked differences:

--He doesn't mind being in a sitting position now. Before, he would straighten up as stiff as a board if you tried to sit him in your lap, in a Bumbo, in his swing, etc. It got pretty bad there toward the end. And it made physical therapy next to impossible.

--Very little to no spit-up!!

--He's pooping normally!! Prior to the surgery, he would poop once every one to two WEEKS. Now? He pooped today AND yesterday. YAY!!! (All you moms out there can attest--we are not ashamed to get excited about poop when there have been issues!)

--He is more content to play on his own. Whether it's in his exersaucer, his high chair (with toys), or just wherever, he is simply more content. He's even tried to do things that he hadn't tried that much before when it comes to reaching for toys or trying to put Gerber puffs in his mouth. (He still hasn't gotten them all the way to his mouth, but he's trying!)

--He's drinking more milk. Granted, now it's a mixture of breastmilk and formula, but I know for a fact he's getting more b/c I am giving him everything he drinks in a bottle. And my supply was pretty shot, so I know that he wasn't getting nearly this much. He should gain nicely now. Come to think of it, this could be why he's so content all the time. He was probably hungry before and I just didn't know it! Not starving, mind you, but just not quite satisfied, so he was fussy.

Here are some pictures. Gotta hurry. LOST IS ON TONIGHT!!!!!!!!! :)

Getting bundled up to go over to my parents' house. Looking up at Daddy.



Benjamin's first snow. It didn't stick, but it was definitely snowing!



My usual attire when going to mom's. Sweats. LOL (Oh, please don't notice that I still have my Christmas tree welcome mat out. I totally need to change it but am too lazy to do so. Maybe later...)



Drinking some of my sweet tea from McDonald's at mom's house. WHAT A CUTIE!



He got SUPER tickled about something. He was cracking us all up.

That's it for now. Hope you are all staying warm. It's FREEZING here!!

Jingle bells?

I think Benjamin thought that our minivan (which I *love* by the way--Toyota Sienna) was a one-horse open sleigh because he was laughing all the way home from the hospital. Seriously, leaving that jail cell of a crib and the monitors and tubes must have had a bigger impact than we realized it could have on a nine-month old because he was cracking up all the way home! And he couldn't even see us! We weren't doing it. Just the sheer joy of being free, I suppose!

Speaking of laughing, I feel sorry for those of you who don't have a funny husband. Because mine is dorkily (is that a word?) hilarious. On the way home, we passed the entrance to the Chattanooga Warner Park Zoo. We've never actually been, and you can't see anything from the entrance. We had to turn right and pass the side of the zoo, and Matthew said, "Where is it? I don't see anything!" I assured him that yes, there is a zoo somewhere in that vicinity, and yes, I've heard it's decently sized. He scoffed, "I think they just took a pony and a rabbit and called it a zoo." Oh my. (Okay, so you probably had to be there, but I thought it was funny. And evidently so did Benjamin b/c he just continued laughing in the back seat, facing the other way.)

So, yes, we are home. And it is glorious. And as much as I miss Andrew and his sweet voice, he is going to stay at my parents' house until after his nap. That will give us some time to finish unpacking (almost finished already!) and just kind of relax. We're about to give Baby B a bath and then hopefully he will take a good nap.

I think one HUGE silver lining in all of this is that I *think* I have successfully gotten B 100% on the bottle, which is a tremendous accomplishment. I am still pumping but will most likely run out of milk soon, as my supply is already dwindling. I'm mixing the milk that I do have with formula and will do so until all the milk is gone. I have not nursed him since early in the morning (2:30) on Tuesday, and while it's bittersweet, I think that this was probably the only way it could've happened without a huge struggle. Prior to this, he would NOT, I repeat, NOT take a bottle from me OR MATTHEW! We had had luck having a couple of other people do it (at their houses with us nowhere around), but he just wouldn't do it from us. But now he does, and it's so nice. I knew that I didn't have enough milk to be able to nurse him without supplementing anyway, and there's no way that he would put up with nursing one minute and then drinking a bottle to make up for the milk that was lacking. So this is great!! I fear that it will be hard to teach him how to use a sippy cup in a few months when he transitions to whole milk, and we do have to heat the formula/breastmilk up quite a bit for him to take it, but those are things I am willing to deal with to wean him so effortlessly. So, YAY! A big answer to prayer.

We can't give B a "real" bath for about a week b/c of his incision, but we are going to try to get him as clean as humanly possible otherwise right now b/c after a week in a hospital bed, He. Is. Nasty.

Talk to you soon!!

Going home!

I suspect it will be later today b/c it usually takes hours to get released from the hospital, but we *should* be going home today!!

It's been a very rough morning because Benjamin seems to feel 100% better. Matthew is at home with Andrew (going to drop him off at my parents' soon) so it's just B and me. He's been wide awake since 5:45 and wants to either be held all the time or be allowed to roll all around in his crib. Unfortunately, I can't allow that b/c he still has a tube in his nose and an IV in his foot. (Neither one is actually attached to anything, but they're left in until the last minute in case they're needed.) So I have barely had time to go to the bathroom, much less do important things like pump or eat breakfast. And to top it all off, they forgot my grits this morning. ARG!

So while I'm dying to take a shower and pump (ouch), I am glad through all this surface-level frustration that we're almost over this hurdle. If only B would take a nap now so I could type with both hands. :)

Here are some pictures from the past few days.

In daddy's arms. What a sweetie!



Lovin' the McDonald's straw.



Surrounded by his toys.



Look at how cute his hands look! Almost like they're folded.



Not one of his prouder moments. Here he is writhing in pain waiting for the Dulcolax to kick in. And boy did it. :)

You know they're feeling better when they start to look mischievous...

Here is Matthew's food from Amigo a couple nights ago. A full order of nachos supreme with mild salsa on the side. (Our shared chips and cheese dip are in my picture.)

Mmmm....a vegetarian D: cheese burrito, rice & beans, with cheese sauce on top. Plus said chips and cheese dip and mild salsa. (Oh, and sweet tea from the cafeteria...yummmmmy!)

I can't remember what was so funny, but I thought this was a cute picture. Then the rest are just extras from hanging out on the couch with Daddy.

Okay. Phew. Matthew is here now, so I'm going to go take care of some things. I hope that our next post is from home. Now I need a break and some SLEEP! I spent the last five out of six nights on this bouch with nurses coming in and out all night (though they're quiet and did well to not disturb--I'm a light sleeper), and most of my waking hours here the last seven days. I'm exhausted!!!

Thank you all for your prayers and visits, emails and blog comments. We love you all!!!!!

I love the sound of flushing toilets

One good thing about our hospital room is that the water in the shower is hot. And the pressure is good. The shower isn't the cleanest (sorry, Sara) nor is it anything more than just a hospital bathroom. But I do love me a hot shower. Even though it's bad for my skin. And the best part is that several times throughout the shower, I'll hear someone somewhere flush a toilet. And for about ten seconds my water gets a burst of hotter water. Mmmmmmmm............................bliss.

Things here are good. Not great. But only b/c there's not much that's great about being in the hospital. This room is much smaller than the one at Vanderbilt, and so the walls are starting to close in on me a bit. And while I really have enjoyed my food three times a day (breastfeeding mothers get a tray), dinner is served at 4:00. What am I, retired in Florida? I'm starving by 8:00! So right now Matthew went to Amigo to get us some yummy Mexican food. I do hate it that downtown isn't really convenient to the interstate or any of the places we usually go to. But oh well.

Benjamin is improving more and more. He hasn't had any pain medicine in over two days. We're just waiting for him to eat normally again, and they're easing him into it. He did poop today, with the help of some Dulcolax, and seems to feel a little better. After over two weeks without a poop, I'd say so.

So here's the deal. Right now he has a tube down his nose that is going into his stomach past the repair in his duodenum. Through that tube right now he is getting only a minimal amount of breastmilk. (I think it's like 1/5 of an ounce per hour.) It's mainly still there just in case he starts to not do so well with the feedings by mouth, then it'll already be in place where it needs to be.

By mouth, Benjamin is now getting two ounces of breastmilk every two hours (if he's awake). That's up from one ounce at a time of Pedialyte yesterday and 1.5 ounces of breastmilk at a time today. The doctor said that if he tolerates two ounces at a time for awhile, then we'll do 2.5 ounces at a time and pull the tube from his nose. If he eats well all day tomorrow then there's a possibility we can go home on Monday. That would be perfect since Matthew has Monday off work anyway (MLK) and really needs to get back to work. (Remember: he hasn't worked since Wednesday the 7th b/c he went to Orlando.) I am thinking more like Tuesday that we'll go home but I think it's just b/c I don't want to get my hopes up.

I'll try to post some pics next time. There really aren't that many pics of cute Benjamin in a bed that look any different than the other ones, and that's about all we're doing. Oh, I'll take a picture of my dinner from Amigo and make all of you drool. :)

Home Not-So-Sweet Home

Well, I'm home tonight. Matthew is at the hospital with Benjamin. I must admit I feel kind of weird not being there. Those of you who know me know that I like to "keep it real" as the kids used to say. I am not overly emotional nor do I get really worked up about things. I love being alone and trust doctors and nurses 100%. But something inside of me just felt hollow as I drove away from the hospital. I have felt it all night. Even as I sat in CiCi's Pizza with Andrew and my mom. I just feel sad and incomplete. I feel at odds and hate having some stuff at the hospital and some stuff at home and even more stuff at my parents' house. I am a mom who thrives upon predictability and routine. So I just feel sometimes like my head is spinning.

Remember the lyrics from "Fresh Prince"?

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down

Yeah. That's me right now. Most of the time I can deal with it. I don't always roll with the punches very well, and well, I guess right now is one of those times.

I remember a few weeks after Benjamin was born I was on a Down syndrome message board venting about this and that. One of the wiser and more experienced moms said, "Angela. You're very stressed and sleep deprived. Go get some sleep." And I suppose that advice rings true right now as well.

We were eating tonight and there was a worker who was quite probably somewhat mentally delayed. He definitely didn't have Down syndrome and may have been quite completely within the realm of normal. But something about him just seemed kind of, well, different. I didn't see anyone be mean to him or anything like that. But he's the kind of kid who probably gets picked on at school because he's not the smartest kid or the most athletic kid or the funniest kid or the cutest kid. He's just a kid with a slightly funny talk and a strange way of addressing people. As he turned around after bussing a table, I noticed that he was kind of chubby around the middle. For some reason I thought of my sweet little baby lying in a hospital bed ten miles away and how soft his skin is. I bet that boy's mother used to hold him as a baby and wonder how his skin could be so soft. I bet she wanted to protect him from every hurtful thing that's even been said to him. But she couldn't. And neither can I. And I know it is part of life and that we learn from life's experiences, blah, blah. But it breaks my heart just the same. And I know it's the same whether or not your kid has special needs or not. Even the prom king gets made fun of at some point and it makes his mom sad. But it just makes me mad that people will make fun of my son for nothing that he can help. And he won't understand why. Right now he's cute and adorable and everyone thinks so. But a day will come when he grows into a boy. A boy with all the physical markings of Down syndrome. He most likely won't be as "cute" by the world's standards. He might walk funny and he'll most likely talk funny. He might be louder than most kids and might say inappropriate things for others to hear. I'll still think he's the greatest and cutest ever. But I know how the world views him because I used to be a part of that world. I saw kids like him and just kind of looked away. They made me uncomfortable. They were often louder than other people in the room. They weren't very smart. And they sounded funny. And I didn't stop to think that those kids are someone's sons or daughters. Or that they are people too. Or that God loves them just the same and sent His Son to die for them, too. So though I think that even though I am starting to get this now, the world will never get it. And there will always be those who view my son as a retard and nothing else. My son. My flesh and blood. Whom I carried inside of me and anticipated his birth for months. Let me reiterate. It breaks my heart. I know, I need some sleep. I'm going to get some. I have one more thing to add to this. I have debated sharing this because I was unsure of my motives. But now I feel like it's time to discuss it. Sorry. It's kind of long.

A person (a family member, nonetheless) who shall remain anonymous who is supposed to be very close to us and who is supposedly a Christian said something to Matthew a few months ago that was extremely hurtful. The worst part was that she didn't even consider it to be hurtful. I was so hurt when he told me that I literally screamed into the phone (to Matthew). I was shaking and I was so angry and hurt that my immediate response was just to shut this person out of our lives forever. How dare she? She doesn't get to say things like that and still hold my son. She doesn't get to have that horrid opinion about my son and get to be a part of his life. Because I'll know what she's *really* thinking behind those fake words and gifts. I emailed a few of my close friends and eventually was able to tell my mom about it. (I tend to save things up and then unload on my mom, LOL.) Most of my friends felt the same way I did...cut her out of your life. Don't have anything to do with her. Don't let her have the satisfaction of being in the lives of your boys. Don't allow her to poison you. But one of my friends gave me different advice. And when I read what she wrote, I knew she was right. I'm sure she won't mind if I copy some of her wise words below. I'm keeping the author of this anonymous but only b/c I'm not sure if she'd mind if I told who she was. I'm sure she'll read this, so if you're out there, friend, feel free to reveal yourself. And thank you for your email. You have no idea how much I needed it, even though I didn't want to face the truth of what you wrote. (I'm leaving some of the email out so the identity of the offender isn't revealed. And just so you know, the person wasn't ANY of you. This person has purposefully been kept in the dark about this blog. I just can't allow her to have intimate access to our lives. Not right now anyway.)

I am so sorry, Angela. I am just so sorry. I cannot imagine a deeper wound. You know the Lord is not going to allow you to hate her. As much as you want to, it will make you miserable. It will eat you up. Now, I am not saying don't set up HUGE boundaries in wisdom but is sounds like she is not a believer and just doesn't have the love of God. I know this is going to sound like a trite Sunday School answer to your problem but I think the only possible way you will ever have an ounce of love for her is if you start praying for her. Make yourself or bitterness will start wrapping around you like a vine.

Honor her out of love for God not because she deserves it.

But, BE angry! Let it out, momma bear!!! BE angry and do not sin. I am angry too. How dare she say something so horrid!!!!!!!! What she said is beyond my comprehension. I kind of want to roll her yard. She just doesn't know the love of God, Angela. She just doesn't know that Jesus Christ is ON DISPLAY through Benjamin. That in weakness, He is revealed. That God has already, in 6 months, used him in incredible ways. Please don't allow this to eat you up inside.

I was just thinking today at church that I need to be more like you, Angela. You are so full of peace and grace and beauty. Do not let the enemy steal those things.

We are free to love. Love her anyway. Ask the Holy Spirit to allow you to love her. Only a believer has the power to do something so insanely hard. Benjamin may be the one who leads her to Christ.

I am so sorry. I just don't understand how someone could be so merciless. Well, I guess I do if they don't know Jesus but still. It is just so sad for everybody.

The thing is, this person does profess to know Christ. I think she just has some messed up ideas. And I am still finding it hard to love her. But I know that I need to. Like my friend said, not because she deserves it, but for God. Because the thing is, none of us deserve love. We are all sinners. We do things that offend God and break His heart. We say things to His children that are hurtful to Him. Yet He loves us anyway. So while I cannot promise to like this person, I am going to try and love her. To let her be around Benjamin some. To let her see God's love through Him. Though I didn't even tell her he's having surgery right now. And I don't want her to know about my blog. And when I heard she was on Facebook I found her name and blocked her from finding me. And I blocked her two friends so they couldn't find me. (Did you know that was an option? Yeah, it is.) And right now, I'm okay with that. I am trying not to harbor bitterness in my heart but it's hard. Because I'm human and that's my baby. But God lives in me and so I need to act on His behalf and not mine. Even though I don't want to. I'll try. Is that enough?

Now an update.

Benjamin is doing fine. I don't have any pictures right now b/c my camera is at the hospital. Plus, I don't really have any new ones. But he is as CUTE and as SWEET as ever. He didn't have any pain medicine today and they started to give him pumped breastmilk down the tube in his nose instead of Pedialyte. He only gets about five to six ounces a day (a liiiiiiiittle bit at a time) but it's a step in the right direction. It turns out that B's surgeon had to go to Pennyslvania b/c her mom got sick. So another doctor took over his case. He was really nice and so we'll see what kind of decisions get made tomorrow. The next step is removing the NG tube that is down his right nostril. It removes his stomach acid until he can do it on his own. Based on the color of the acid and the output, they'll remove it in the next day or two. Then we'll see how well he tolerates the breastmilk down his other nostril. He is having lots of wet diapers, so that's a good sign. But nothing has been said about his going home. I did ask his surgeon a couple of days ago about the poop, and evidently I misunderstood her. He doesn't have to poop before he can go home, he has to eat normally before he can go home. So we'll see. Because right now he's only getting a liiiiiiittttle bit of milk and he hasn't eaten anything by mouth in almost four days. The surgeon did say that she looked during surgery and he didn't have a whole lot of poop in there, which makes sense b/c most of the breastmilk that babies take in is absorbed, and he hasn't had anything but breastmilk in about two weeks.

Time for bed. I wish I could sleep in for real tomorrow. But I still have to wake up at 7:30ish and pump. But I will hopefully be able to go right back to sleep for awhile. Sorry for the depressing post tonight. I'll try and get some sleep tonight so I can be back to my funny self tomorrow. In the meantime, thanks for reading and thanks for letting me be myself.

Oh, the irony

I am elated that so many of my friends share my love for Aquafresh Extreme Clean Whitening Toothpaste! I am not currently using that kind because I have not seen it on sale in awhile. So I have been using my second favorite kind, Crest Whitening Expressions Cinnamon Rush. So when Matthew and I packed for the hospital on Monday night, we packed one tube of toothpaste because we were going to be together. And then he left the hospital last night (in the MIDDLE of American Idol--can you imagine?) to go home and sleep. And took the toothpaste. So the irony in the toothpaste department is that I had to brush with water last night and this morning and I have scared away half the nurses and doctors on the third floor with my worse-than-morning breath. But I have been chewing my new favorite gum--Orbitz Peppermint (in the sticks, not those crunchy squares), so it's not been too bad.

Before I forget, I have loved the suggestions for the couch/bed. Kara, it is hellish; Jenn, it most definitely is horizontal and stiffened my already-tight back muscles. But Anna came up with the winner, though, with bouch. Megan, you and I are scarily alike. I was avoiding that combination b/c all I could think of was beouch, and well, as funny and accurate as that might be, I just couldn't do it. But bouch is perfect!! Anna, you win the prize. Come by the hospital and I will breathe in your face and allow you to sit on said bouch.

We had a pretty good night considering how the nights up at Vanderbilt went. No one came in to draw blood (we've been spared that, thankfully, except for a rather painful finger draw yesterday morning) and the sleep that I was able to catch here and there was mostly restful. We've had a couple of minor setbacks but nothing that Mister Benjamin can't overcome.

At about 1:15 a.m., when I had been sleeping SOUNDLY for about 90 minutes, dreaming that my brother Justin came in and snuck Benjamin some Gerber sweet potato puffs and I was irate, the nurses came in and confirmed that in over 12 hours post-surgery, B still had no urine output. So up I was at the bedside to help them hold his knees down while they inserted a catheter. This was just a temporary one for them to drain the urine. And boy did they get a lot! Then they removed it to give him the opportunity to pee on his own. And I am happy to announce that he has filled two diapers full of urine since then. Yay!

In between that time and 5:15ish, he slept pretty well. I did, too, but it was choppy. My back, which I strained at Target last week lifting a 38-pound tub of cat litter (DANG TIDY CATS--Why must you market such huge containers and make me buy them because it's the best price per unit and if I buy two I get a $5 Target card??), was feeling better but hurt some last night because of the bouch. (Anna, you should get royalties every time your word is used...) Then he just wanted to talk and laugh, which was fine with me because it was cute and he was content. Plus I caught some of it on video. But then I noticed that he had ripped out one of the tubes from his nose. Yikes. Luckily, of the two tubes, it was the easiest one to replace. Unfortunately, he finally fell back asleep three minutes before they came in to replace it. Then he fell asleep again about five minutes before they came in to do an abdominal x-ray to be sure the tube went to the stomach (it did, thankfully). THEN (I'm not kidding) he was just about to drift off again when his pediatrician stopped by to check on him. She was reassured by what she saw and heard on her stethoscope. She said she heard "bowel movement." I hope she was talking about Benjamin because that cooked spinach from the cafeteria last night is doing a number on me...

So now he is asleep and all is well. It is 10:40 and Matthew is on his way. He slept until about 9:00, which sounds good BUT he stayed up until 3:00 making pumpkin pies. WHAT A NUT!!! He's been craving them for awhile and got the ingredients a few weeks ago. So last night he ate half of a pumpkin pie and watched "Flatliners." What an odd combo.

I can't wait for him to get here so I can shower. I want to have a nice shower and take my time. If he's here I can do that without worrying that B will wake up and need me or that a nurse or doctor will come in and need something. So here I sit. On the bouch. (cha-ching!) With stanky breath and an equally stanky body. But I'm content. My older son is going to Target and Fresh Market today with Aunt Edie and is *thrilled* to be getting all this attention from someone other than mommy. (No offense taken; I know I'm the bad guy and I'm comfortable with that role.) My baby is soundly sleeping (for now) while holding onto his stuffed giraffe. (NOT a dinosaur.)
And God is good. This morning on Facebook I read that two of my friends put something in their status about how God's mercies are new every day. That was a great encouragement to me. In college, I memorized Lamentations 3:22-25. They speak such truth and comfort to my heart:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

What a wonderful reminder! The Lord is my portion. He is more than enough for me. Just Him.

Okay. Now you want a good laugh? Here you go!

Me at 5:35 a.m. "Good morning, Sunshine!"



Benjamin with his giraffe.

Here's a cute video I took this morning at about 5:20 of Benjamin. There's not much to see, as I was too lazy to get up off the bouch. But it sounds really cute. Be sure to PAUSE the music at the bottom of the page first. What you will hear on this video first is Benjamin laughing. I'm not sure what he was laughing about, but it was cute. Then at the end he just starts babbling.

Oh, one more thing. I once again have to thank my friend Mary Jo for the most wonderful baby gift ever. Like we did in Nashville, we brought along Benjamin's crib mobile. This thing is a life saver! There's not much a nine-month-old baby can do while being confined to a crib, but he does love that mobile. It plays continuously for 15 minutes and is great classical music. We use it at home ALL the time. Good thing for rechargeable batteries! If you are needing a homerun baby gift or just need one for yourself, go get one! Walmart sells it, too. I only wish I had a remote control for it so I didn't have to get off the bouch to restart it.

Got a head? Get a helmet!

Seriously, if it weren't for wireless internet and cable television, I'd be going NUTS right now! Before I share an update with you and show you some hospital pictures, let me first share with you some pictures from this past weekend.

Andrew took a good nap because I promised he could play with Play-doh afterwards. Benjamin enjoyed watching while chewing on Tad's tag. Andrew was a bit distraught that he was chewing on the tag. I said, "Well, it's his toy." To which Andrew replied, "But I share him!"



I'm not sure what Andrew's smile means here...

Benjamin isn't so sure either.

Matthew got home from Orlando last night at about five. When he unpacked his medals (5K and marathon), I made him pose in them right there in the kitchen. He said, "In my GAP Christmas shirt? In front of the fridge?" I said, "YES! It's perfect!" So his smile isn't really genuine. It's more of an "I-am-acting-like-I-like-my-wife" smile. (But of course he loves me...)

Speaking of that, if you want a good laugh, here are three pictures of Matthew during the 5K:

http://www.asiorders.com/estf.asp?EVENTID=40338&PWD=&BIB=4311

Now an update from Children's, which is where we are right now. I'm watching American Idol!!

The surgery went well. He didn't poop before surgery, and the surgeon decided not to do anything about it. She seemed to think it would be fine. I have major doubts but really have no choice but to just hope and pray she's right!

He was really doped up on the morphine, which was good for his comfort but not for "waking up" his systems. That was ten hours ago (or so) and he still hasn't peed. So they're waiting a little longer and then they'll have to put in a catheter to draw out some urine. At one point, he was only having ten breaths per minute when he was first moved to the room, and he was on oxygen for awhile. But both of those things have already been resolved. The doctor thinks it was just the effects of the heavy narcotic after surgery.

He has pretty much been sleeping all afternoon/evening. He occasionally lets out what I lovingly refer to as the "pteradactyl screech" but then drifts back into sleep. We brought his mobile (THANKS AGAIN, MJ!!!) and it is wonderful.

He can't eat by mouth for about two days, so I am pumping and they're freezing the milk. Tomorrow sometime they'll put the breastmilk down a tube in his nose that goes down *past* the repair to the gut. (The surgeon put in the tube during the surgery.) He also has a tube in his other nostril that is draining fluids out of his stomach right now and will stay there for two or three days.

The only scar or marking he has from this surgery is a scar on his abdomen. I haven't seen it yet b/c it's behind a bandage. He does have an IV in his foot, but nothing like all the pokes and prods of open-heart surgery.

With all these little set-backs (no urine yet, being on O2, etc), Matthew and I both just know that Baby Benjamin is strong and brave and that he is in God's hands. This surgery is totally a walk in the park compared to what he went through last October. And that wasn't as bad as it could've been! I told Matthew today that after being on a pacemaker, a catheter is nothing!!!

The room here is okay. It smells like a hospital and the couch/bed is smaller than a twin. So it most definitely only sleeps one. Thankfully we live close. So it's 9:35 as I'm typing this and Matthew (who took a 2 1/2 hour nap on said couch/bed) has already headed home. He had a bit of a loooong weekend. :) I may go home and sleep tomorrow night. We'll see.

Andrew is having a ball with my mom. I think my mom is glad to return to work tomorrow because a toddler is a LOT of work. Non-stop talking and questions and clinginess at times. My SIL Edie is watching Andrew the next three days while my parents are at work. My mom will work a shortened day to be able to let Edie drop her kids off at school and pick them up. I would be completely bewildered without my family. I can't imagine. Thank You, God, for my family.

Oh, speaking of family, I am supposed to give a special shout-out (holla!) to my older brother, Michael, for helping me figure out my email. I didn't need his wireless card; I just needed him to talk me through how to fiddle with my Outlook in a way to configure my outgoing mail server dumaflautchie. And now I can send and receive emails. Yay!!!!

Now onto the pictures.

Waiting to be taken to the OR:

"Oh, my goodness, Matthew, did you see this???"

"This is my favorite toothpaste! Go to Walgreens and buy me some!"

I'm not sure what *my* smile means here! (Is that even a smile?)

Awwww....now *that* smile I recognize!!

"And Benjamin, this is how you blow a bubble with your gum." (I think he kind of looks like me in this picture...anyone else?)

A funny poster I saw. I had to take a picture of it. It's what I do.

My view from the couch/bed. The bathroom (which is actually quite roomy but again has NO counter space or shelves or anything) is right around the corner.

In recovery. The line across his chest (more visible in other pictures) just shows where the iodine is from cleaning the area. Look how looooooong he looks here! The band on his right arm is simply a blood pressure cuff. I've already explained the tubes in his nose. His IV (for fluids and meds) is in his left foot, all wrapped up to protect it. The small tube coming out of his right sock is just the oxygen sensor, which is just a sticky sensor taped to his toe. The scar from this particular surgery is on his lower right abdomen under that rectangular bandage. Thus, the roadmap of Benjamin for today.

You can see the iodine line a little better in this picture.

The first 30 minutes of Matthew's nap were in this chair while I snoozed on the couch/bed. Looks very comfortable, doesn't it?

Awwww.....bliss. Two more hours of nap were here. By the way, I need a new name for the couch/bed. Any ideas?

My favorite picture of the day. He is just too precious. But you can't have him. He's mine. :)

Until tomorrow!!